Sometimes the gravity of an event takes minutes to sink in, and sometimes hours. Like symptoms of shock. Sometimes the gravity of a given event takes days, and then you find yourself staring at picture and your mind shuts down, and your emotions start buckling. I thought my emotional dam broke free two weeks ago, but I was wrong, that was a crack, a mere crevice in my sanity wide enough just to peak in and catch a glimpse of my broken soul.
Years have passed, and it took only two weeks of heartbreaking words to lead us back into each others arms, and it is as if no time passed, yet in the same, it was an eternity. That was a couple of days ago, when I felt his strength, and touched his skin, and kissed his lips for the first time in years. It was overwhelming, to say the least, and I fear my words do not do it justice.
In the past I have been accused of many things, and amongst those most truthful, is a coldness. I have lived, and lived well, and found my passion through our great Mother Nature, and I express it in my writing. And as is the way of hearts who have lost their ways, I had no love to give to any man. I knew why, because I gave it away, to the perfect mirror of my soul. There is no match of his likeness, because his likeness is my likeness. I am his and he is mine. I knew, in the depths of my illogical knowing, that the day would come when our paths would cross, however, I thought it to be in the far and distant future. Now, in the face of my own foreshadowing, he has sought me, and I very nearly swooned with it.
That was a couple days ago. And today my head spins. I felt it in his arms, while the owl held my gaze in a nearby tree. I felt it in his arms while his lips sought mine with the passion I have longed for. I felt it in his arms when we had to part ways. I felt it the entire time, the headspinning, breathless, inability to speak, bliss. But today, it hit me full force. The reality of it all. A dream, a sweet, sweet dream that I had tucked away into the corners of my heart had manifested itself into present day reality. Years of missing a piece of myself came crashing down on me. Years of wondering, years of knowing he was ever-present in my thoughts and my dreams, of joining on the astral, years came down on me like a hard, warm rain today. It took two days for the reality of his touch to pierce my ice, to permeate my snow bound emotions. Today, I know he exists, and I know without a doubt, that he is truly my soul mate. The most beautiful version of my very own soul. And worth waiting a lifetime for.
Better to have loved and lost? I think not, ’tis better to have never known it and dreamt of it, than to have lost it. But, in the case that you had it, and perhaps shared a separate journey, and the two paths still lead you back to each other, then, then true love is worth is the wait of a lifetime. Then you know it is true, because perhaps, if true love IS true love, you never really lose it.
